Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
