I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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