so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
