we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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