she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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