By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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