dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
