Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
