drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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