HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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