I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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