Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
