guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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