dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
