We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
