I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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