so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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