Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
