Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
