Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
