The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
