thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
