Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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