So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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