before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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