When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
