I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
