I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
