She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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