Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
