I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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