So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
