the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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