Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize