This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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