my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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