i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
