Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
