I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
