i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
