facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
