I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
