We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
