Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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