I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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