So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
