You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
