I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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