I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
