i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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