I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He passed out mid-signature
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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