Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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