I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
