hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
