Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
