Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
