Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
