this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
