Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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