i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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