Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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