turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
