he wants to bone in the snuggie
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
