I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
