Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
