Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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