I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
