I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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