in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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