Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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