There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize