hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
