dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
