I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sex in a hospital.. check
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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